In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
