It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
