Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're a waste of cheezeits
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
