he wants to bone in the snuggie
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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