Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
