hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
