just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You did what with his pubic hair?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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