garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
