why didn't you poke me back
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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