In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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