on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
