Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
