There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
