hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
