don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize