if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
