I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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