Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
