i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
