My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
