I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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