Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
