But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
