its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
