Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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