Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
