I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
