i permit you to call me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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