Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
