I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
