summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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