I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
