I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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