You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
