I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
