Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
