Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
