you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
