I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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