I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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