I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
