I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
