Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
