ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I want a musical about memes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
