matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
