she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
