Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
