ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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