shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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