I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
