is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
