She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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